How To Survive On Berk
by LuckyLark and Darkshadow
Summary: Our poor, unamed OC has become one of the new Dragon Riders! While she is very excited about all the new sucking up oppurtunities, she thinks it would be appropriate for any other Dragon Riders to have some rules to follow. (Honestly just trust her on this, she's been doing this for months now and still hasn't gotten the hang of it.) Characters may be slightly OOC. (Written By Dark
1. Chapter 1

**How to Survive on Berk**

 **Hola, this is your good pal Darkshadow coming at ya with a BRAND NEW STORY!**

 ***crickets***

 **Rule #1**

Never, and I mean **NEVER** , get in on one of the twins' plans.

Three words, Hookfang, Wooden, Fishery.

Stoic then made us eat all of the ruined fish.

 _Three hundred fish…_

 **Rule #2**

Mentioning Scauldy around Ruffnut is a big no-no.

She locked herself in her and Tuffnut's room for two days.

Well, Tuffnut has this weird thing about only sleeping in his bed.

So by the time Ruffnut came out for extra provisions three days later, Tuffnut was sleep deprived and ornery.

 **Rule #3**

An ornery Tuffnut is a **BAD** Tuffnut.

 **Rule #4**

Don't give Gothi's Terrible Terrors honey, hardened syrup, or any sweets.

Poor Gothi, she tried gathering herbs with her hyper little buddies, but they just ate them.

Which then made them even more hyper.

 **DRAGON MADNESS!**

 **Rule #5**

Never watch a dragon **cough**Hookfang**cough** and a boy **cough**Snotlout**cough** guzzle down forty fish each.

 _And then eat two pounds of pudding._

That was the only time I've ever seen Astrid faint out of fear.

I think Hiccup threw up.

 **Rule #6**

Don't casually ask Hiccup when he and Astrid are going to have cute Viking babies.

He immediately paled, and then turned to me with a look I can only describe as _demon._

 _(Note: Do not ask the same of Toothless and Stormfly. Toothless will sit on you in the middle of town from sunrise 'till dawn._

 _(I'm just surprised no one tried to stop him.)_

 **Rule #7**

Absolutely do not dress up as Ruffnut and parade around town.

Ruffnut asked me to, and I owed her a favor.

So I dressed up in her clothes and braided my hair.

Surprisingly no one noticed, despite my red hair and the fact that I'm two inches shorter than her.

All except some guy who had a massive crush on her, he openly accused me of kidnapping Ruffnut and tried to get me to tell him where I was hiding her.

That's when I figured out why Ruffnut told me to be her for a day.

 **Rule #8**

You shouldn't punch Snotlout in the face.

Like if he flirts with you.

Or insists boys are superior to girls.

Even if it a punch of _affection_.

A punch of affection when you punch him for doing something stupid.

 **Rule #9**

If you aren't a medical expert, don't try to help Gothi.

I accidentally gave a guy too much of one herb.

And well, let's just say that particular viking had… er, bathroom problems…

Gobber refused to translate for Gothi, something about "Vile language to 'orrible for innocent ears."

 **Rule #10**

Don't try to climb Gothi's mountain without someone to spot you.

I got scared halfway through and just hung there for about fifteen minutes.

Astrid saw me from to the ground and had to fly me down on Stormfly.

 **Hoped you liked it! I got some inspiration from the marvelous writer 'szynka2496'.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hai! Here's ten new rules!**

* * *

 **Rule #11**

Do not track Changewings alone, they will hypnotize you with their color changing scales.

( I totally don't speak from experience.)

 **Rule #12**

Do not over feed gronckles.

They will barf lava EVERYWHERE!

Even if they give you the puppy dog eyes.

 **Rule #13**

A black market of sweets and cakes is not allowed.

Honestly Fishleg's mother makes the best desserts.

She took it as a compliment.

But Stoic didn't like it much when us kids were passing around sweets during his speech.

 **Rule #14**

You are not allowed to wear your sleep clothes to dragon training.

It was actually the twins this time, not me!

 **Rule #15**

DO NOT DRINK ALE BEFORE IMPORTANT TOWN MEETINGS!

FURTHERMORE, DO NOT GIVE DRAGONS ALE.

FOR THE LOVE OF THOR THIS IS COMMON SENSE!

 **Rule #16**

The Book of Dragons shall not be used to play catch.

 **Rule #17**

Do not challenge Astrid to anything, she will win.

I REPEAT.

 **SHE.**

 **WILL.**

 **WIN.**

I even challenged her to a sucking up competition.

The only reason she won was because Hiccup blushed and then tripped over his own spare leg.

 **Rule #18**

Gothi's Terrible Terrors are not allowed to be involved in any pranks.

They get too good at it.

Soon they'll be pulling pranks by themselves.

 **Rule #19**

Literally any of the Dragon Riders beside Hiccup are not allowed to babysit.

Use your imagination

 **Rule #20**

Don't cut your hair without telling the others.

Astrid threw an axe at me thinking I was an intruder in the arena.

Ruffnut thought I was insane for cutting it.

Surprisingly Tuffnut did too.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! Bai!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Rule #21**

Scream therapy in the center of the village is not recommended.

 **Rule #22**

Don't ever talk about war around Stoic, Gobber, Spitelout, or any of the older Vikings.

There will be non-stop war stories.

Even Astrid will chime in!

 **Rule #23**

DO NOT GET HICCUP A BLACK CAT WITH GREEN EYES AND NO TAIL!

TOOTHLESS WILL GET JEALOUS!

 _ **THAT POOR CAT.**_

 **Rule #24**

When going on searching islands for new dragons, make sure to keep the food away from Snotlout.

 **Rule #25**

Make sure the paper you're writing on does not belong to someone else.

I _may_ have written a list of resources on the back of Hiccup's star charts.

 **Rule #26**

Due to recent events, all Dragon Riders are allowed to enter rules into the handbook.

 **Rule #27**

Any Dragon Rider is allowed to paint whatever giant letter they want on their own pen door.

 **Rule #28**

No one is allowed to paint ANYONE'S WEAP **ONS PINK** _ **BECAUSE THAT IS A HORRIBLE COLOR FOR STEALTH WEAPONS TUFFNUT I WILL FIND YOU!**_

 **Rule #29**

Dragon Riders are to get a good night's sleep so they do not fall off of their Gronckle during training.

 **Rule #30**

 _Due to recent events, all Dragon Riders are allowed to enter rules into the handbook._

Nope. Nope. NOOOOOOOOPE.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys, sorry I haven't been active in a while.**

 **Rule #31**

New Labour Laws have been assigned on Berk.

Hiccup can no longer keep the Dragon Riders at a seminar for over nine hours.

 **Rule #32**

I may have neglected to mention that Gustav is training to be a Dragon Rider. So don't be surprised if he randomly shows up to pine over Astrid.

 **Rule #33**

NO ONE on Berk is allowed to have an unregistered dragon egg.

(Hiccup…)

 **Rule #34**

The author would like to note that keeping a record of each flight the Dragon Riders have been on is slightly upsetting, and we're all a bit worried.

 **Rule #35**

The operator of the boomerang should know that it does indeed come back.

 **Rule #36**

When SOMEONE is commissioned to build a statue to represent Berk, it is best that you don't build a GIANT FREAKING 'S'!

 **Rule #37**

Every dragon trainer must take a test to ensure their safety around the twins, as they are unstable and unpredictable.

 **Rule #38**

If you find any dragon scales bring them to Hiccup immediately.

(He's doing some sort of experiment or something.)

 **Rule #39**

Warning: A wild Monstrous Nightmare can be like a bucking bronco, and should not be ridden without the proper safety equipment.

(Ahem, Gustav.)

 **Rule #40**

AnE missprints in tha Ruelbuk shood b repoorted at wuns.


	5. Chapter 5

**Rule #41**

Day one of each month will be reserved for cleaning out your dragon's stalls.

((Seriously, guys, it's disgusting.))

 **Rule #42**

Instead of claiming that your table at the Great Hall is an ancient burial ground, therefore only you and your friends can sit there, simply get there first.

((Honestly? It didn't even make sense. We were all just scared of Hookfang.))

 **Rule #43**

Calling Astrid 'Dudette' is not recommended.

 **Rule#44**

Before offering free Terrible Terrors with every sandwich at your fundraiser, make sure the sandwich to dragon ratio is equal.

((We have so many left over…))

 **Rule#45**

We all know Nightfury saliva makes a great adhesive. But please, limit yourself to one jar at a time.

((Poor Toothless has dry mouth.))

 **Rule #46**

People get tired, let them go to bed instead of badgering them to train for five hours.

((ASTRID!))

 **Rule #47**

Newly found Ice-dragon species are not allowed to be named 'Iceberg Lettuce'. So stop.

 **Rule #48**

A monthly scream session is required for all members of the dragon riders.

(( It really is quite therapeutic.))

 **Rule #49**

Poking giant dragons in the rear end is not a good idea.

 **Rule #50**

Helping to clean the statues at the Great Hall is great! Hanging off of them is not. Please stop.


	6. Chapter 6

**Rule #51**

The new 'Viking History museum will be curated by Fishlegs and Hiccup. Otherwise, they will be sad, and I'm not sure if the town will be able to handle that.

 **Rule #52**

Make sure when picking pumpkins that you are actually picking pumpkins, and not bright orange dragon eggs.

((I may or may not be speaking from personal experience.))

 **Rule #53**

Those who take their dragons out for 'test drives' at midnight and decide to take a break on peoples ROOFTOPS, will be held accountable.

 **Rule #54**

While adopting every dragon you see is plausible, it is not efficient.

 **Rule #55**

Reading scary stories about ghost Vikings is not advised. What is also not advised is smacking someone in the face when they walk through the door to your room the next morning and screaming, "GHOST!"

 **Rule #56**

When in doubt, get Astrid an axe for her birthday.

((I'm not even kidding.))

((She has thirty axes and STILL gets excited when she gets one.))

 **Rule #57**

Breaking into somebody's home and pouring forty pounds of fish in their beds is a HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE thing to do to someone. You will be held accountable and be forced to clean it up.

 **Rule #58**

Writing vague notes in your journal and then telling people to use it as a reference, while a nice gesture, also means we can't read them. Don't do it.

((I mean, at least use punctuation.))

((Hiccup.))

 **Rule #59**

Going flying in the rain is not recommended. You will most likely catch a cold.

((Gothi may or may not have had to deal with seven sick dragon riders.))

 **Rule #60**

Stealing Gobber's left sock is a good prank, but be aware that if he finds out it was you, you will spend two months working the forge.


End file.
